10 Things I Hate About You
Edit: In case you're wondering... there are now 213 Things Skippy Can't Do... back to our regular broadcast:
You being store-bought socks.
First the story (you know I have one):
When I first wanted to learn to knit socks, my first stop was my local yarn store. Inside, I asked the shopkeepper where I could find sock yarn. She pointed me to a wooden boat on the floor that resembled one of those Swiss wooden shoes and left me to dig. My eyes nearly fell out of my head! What crazy person had priced this stuff? Eighteen dollars for what would be a pair of socks I had to make myself?? Needless to say, I left without any sock yarn that day. But the story does not end there. Several months later on I found the "more reasonable" but still "pricey" Lion Brand Magic Stripes (NAYY) at a local chain store.
This time I bought the yarn and gave sock knitting a real try (previously I had done a few in worsted weight to learn the mechanics of dpns and sock construction). About a week later I had my first (complete) pair of true handknit superwash socks. I put them on my feet, and I swear that within an hour the scales fell from my eyes and I was officially a believer! I've re-washed and re-worn that pair of socks every single day since they were grafted closed. Now I have enough sock yarn for at least ten pairs in my stash, and I plan on getting some of that absolutely yummy sock yarn at my LYS once my yarn diet is done. I now understand the eighteen dollar price tag and I'm actually wondering why it's so low!
On to the list:
1) You don't breathe. When I take you off, I feel like I've been wearing grocery bags on my feet.
2) You have holes in your short-row heels. You're a machine knit sock! How can you have holes in your short-row heels?
3) Rather than nice smooth toe grafts, you have thick seams that lay across the top of my toes, then slide down the sides of my shoe to get wedged between my toe and my shoe and irritate me while I walk.
4) You come in packs of ten at prices that make my relatives question my sanity in paying eighteen dollars for socks I have to make myself when you can be bought at Target for $1.99.
5) I can't give you an after-thought heel or toe and continue to enjoy you for many more wearings. Once you wear out, you're out.
6) I can't combine pieces of you in different styles and colors to make a pair of socks that just scream ME.
7) I can't remember the last time I saw you offered in a wool/silk blend that comes in fifteen different yummy colorways.
8) You don't come in a totally custom fit.
9) Your yarn can't be used to make a matching pair of opera length gloves.
10) You don't make me look smarter or more clever than I really am when I take you out of a bag on the bus. Usually, you just make me look like a crazy bag lady.
And finally, my latest pair of socks ventured into Math class to learn the Law of Sines and the Law of Cosines today (no, that's not the pattern there under my pencil, it's the syllabus with the list of homework problems on it):
You being store-bought socks.
First the story (you know I have one):
When I first wanted to learn to knit socks, my first stop was my local yarn store. Inside, I asked the shopkeepper where I could find sock yarn. She pointed me to a wooden boat on the floor that resembled one of those Swiss wooden shoes and left me to dig. My eyes nearly fell out of my head! What crazy person had priced this stuff? Eighteen dollars for what would be a pair of socks I had to make myself?? Needless to say, I left without any sock yarn that day. But the story does not end there. Several months later on I found the "more reasonable" but still "pricey" Lion Brand Magic Stripes (NAYY) at a local chain store.
This time I bought the yarn and gave sock knitting a real try (previously I had done a few in worsted weight to learn the mechanics of dpns and sock construction). About a week later I had my first (complete) pair of true handknit superwash socks. I put them on my feet, and I swear that within an hour the scales fell from my eyes and I was officially a believer! I've re-washed and re-worn that pair of socks every single day since they were grafted closed. Now I have enough sock yarn for at least ten pairs in my stash, and I plan on getting some of that absolutely yummy sock yarn at my LYS once my yarn diet is done. I now understand the eighteen dollar price tag and I'm actually wondering why it's so low!
On to the list:
1) You don't breathe. When I take you off, I feel like I've been wearing grocery bags on my feet.
2) You have holes in your short-row heels. You're a machine knit sock! How can you have holes in your short-row heels?
3) Rather than nice smooth toe grafts, you have thick seams that lay across the top of my toes, then slide down the sides of my shoe to get wedged between my toe and my shoe and irritate me while I walk.
4) You come in packs of ten at prices that make my relatives question my sanity in paying eighteen dollars for socks I have to make myself when you can be bought at Target for $1.99.
5) I can't give you an after-thought heel or toe and continue to enjoy you for many more wearings. Once you wear out, you're out.
6) I can't combine pieces of you in different styles and colors to make a pair of socks that just scream ME.
7) I can't remember the last time I saw you offered in a wool/silk blend that comes in fifteen different yummy colorways.
8) You don't come in a totally custom fit.
9) Your yarn can't be used to make a matching pair of opera length gloves.
10) You don't make me look smarter or more clever than I really am when I take you out of a bag on the bus. Usually, you just make me look like a crazy bag lady.
And finally, my latest pair of socks ventured into Math class to learn the Law of Sines and the Law of Cosines today (no, that's not the pattern there under my pencil, it's the syllabus with the list of homework problems on it):
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3 Comments:
Oooooo Scarlet . . . is that yarn the KnitPicks stuff? Umm - Simply Stripes or whatever it's called? I just finished my very first pair of socks, using that yarn - have been washed twice, worn gobs - thus far, held up wonderfully.
Your blog is a lot of fun to read - you've been put on my favorites.
dmjones
That is indeed KnitPicks Simply Stripes in Sunset. The needles are also KnitPicks, size 2 classic circulars and I absolutely LOVE them. The joins are smooth, the yarn flows easily over the cable and needles and the cable has no memory so you don't have to sit there and fight with it all day. (NAYY)
Thanks for the compliment and I hope that the blog continues to be entertaining for a long time. :)
--Scarlet
Socks in math class -- Love it! I found your site through a comment you made on Grumperina's blog.
I have to confess that I have yet to finish a pair of socks, but I still found your post to be very funny.
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